I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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