there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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