I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
