Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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