i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
being pregnant is like rehab
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
