she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
