The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize