Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
