Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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