singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
