Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
