just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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