Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
