Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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