dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
