I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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