i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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