Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
