I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
