I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
