I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
