you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
