I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
