i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
