i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
