So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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