Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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