I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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