I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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