don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
