Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize