Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize