i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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