why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
