I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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