wrigley field is MILF paradise
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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