its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
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I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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