I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
