Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
