3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
