Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
