i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
