did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
