Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
