ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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