i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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