You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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