Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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