Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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