people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
