I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
