me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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