God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She told me I should be a condom model.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
