His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize