You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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