the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
