4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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