She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
