peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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