I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
