Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
FUCK WHALES
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
