brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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