today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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