well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
