She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
