2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
