we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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