birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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